Scattered Steps For a Good 2017

I feel electric right now. And sleepy. Strange combination. You obviously survived the deluge of fireworks from exuberant partiers if you are reading this. Oh My Gawd I love the neighborhood I live in. Let me tell you, those are some happy people. I do feel bad for the pets and folks who were scared. But wow! So much excitement was exploding in the ice cold sky in bright lights on New Year’s Eve.

Time to lay out the steps for a good new year. Here we go.

Step 1:

There will be no New Year’s Resolutions (NYR.) I haven’t done NYR’s in awhile. That would be farcical, being I’ve never been able to stick to any kind of big change let alone a diet. Shhhhh. Don’t tell life that, it keeps changing and I don’t want it to lose faith in me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried to change. And yet, magically, not only do I not get the results I’m looking for, but it never changes who I am. You know the drill: you can’t run from yourself.

Step 2:

Get out of bed on time.

Step 3:

Stare at schedule every day for five minutes, as it’s changed AGAIN. Life, we need to talk. How’s a girl supposed to get anything done if you keep changing? NEWS FLASH: Life isn’t listening. Must adjust.

Step 4:

Get out of bed ON TIME I said. Realize with new responsibilities and schedule changes that I SHOULD have gotten out of bed an hour and forty-five minutes before I did. Oops.

Step 5:

Working and exercising are going to have to be interchangeable. No, self, don’t complain. I know it’s different. Must wait my turn in line for the treadmill and the next episode of The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce. Gawd I want to live in one of those houses. So. Bad. Almost done with season two then I’m on to a re-watch of Sense8 to see if I can get into it this time. I’m told the sex is steamy enough to keep my attention. Last time I fell asleep. Perhaps my idea of steamy is different from others. We shall see…

Step 6:

Stop capitalizing things so much. The youngest, Little Bear, told me that I don’t text/message/email right. I’m supposed to use caps and exclamation points more often. Snort. Oh yeah, and no complete sentences. So maybe step six should be: Stop listening to the kid. Or start. I’m flummoxed. Which to choose? I’ll ask Little Bear.

Step 7:

Accept that this is, in fact, a list of resolutions and I just fucked up step one. Go figure.

Step-solution 8:

Do laundry every stinking day. How the hell do you working-outside-of-the-home people get your laundry done? I’m just confused. And who does the house cleaning? Where is my house elf? Dobbie, oh Dobbie, wherefore art thou? Yes, I’m good with his ghost.

Step-solution 9:

Gosh. It stings to realize I’ve succumbed to societal dictates. Psh. Okay. FINE. Resolution 9:

I must get back to taking care of book club stuff. Currently running two book clubs, and I’m sadly behind in my reading. Read The Girl With All The Gifts twice already, currently doing a summary to find questions. Also reading Heart Shaped Box and Smoke Gets In Your Eyes. Must stop looking at FB so I can get on top of this. I think that was kind of number 10 mixed in there, wasn’t it?

The coffee has been consumed and my mind broadened. Awake. Ahhh. What a good feeling. I’m warm and dressed and still feeling electric. I guess I better get my ass to the gym. ‘Cause it’s gym day, even if it’s later than normal and I worked BEFORE I exercised.

I suppose I might be able to adapt to these new steps resolutions :-). Maybe. It’s a work in progress.

Happy New Year y’all.

PS: This is just a part of the actual list. The one inside of my head is long enough to keep a kid awake for days. Lets not dwell on that.